Awareness

I read this in poetasters tonight, and i realize I've got to put another stanza in to help explain some things (probably will be the stanza I orginally cut out) but for now, this is how it goes

Awareness

Somebody else's war
is in my heart and the pink
ribbon to expose the truth on my breast
changed into lead last week,
pulled me down near my shoes.
They shuffled through leaves
fallen off the arms of trees, covering
a trail no one wants to take
but too many women hike every day.

Shifting from plank, to cobra,
to downward facing dog, I breathe.
My heart takes up a sword
to fight her battle. twentyseven years ago
the war was lost with Grandma,
and their forces decided to rally again
against us. They push forward, their armor
crashing, the chain mail glinting
in the sunlight. I slip into triangle posture
readying my single force, watching the enemy rise
over the hill, trudging towards me.


Ok, yes, it's about my mother and her cancer, and about how I'm bound to get it some day too (read my rantings page for the story--"My mom was sick" post) but I'm curious what everyone's first reaction to this is, how they view this poem, and what I should fix. i think this one might actually go somewhere!